"We apologize for the large roach you had crawling in your hotel kitchen...Sadly you'll just have to suck it up. Sucks for you we know, but we don't actually give a fuck about the fact that it was about three inches in length and might have been able to fly. Never the less we will be sure to have our hotel rooms properly cleaned and sprayed to make sure no one else has the same problems you did. We hope you'll be shelling out another $500 dollars to spend the weekend in our king suite soon.
Sincerely The Turtle Cay Resort Management.
Actually what I just wrote there was not what the management said to me in a letter (dude unless you plan on giving me a massive discount just send me a fucking email and save a tree. ) but it might as well have been.
So for my birthday I told you all I was spending it at a nice resort hotel for the weekend and planning on drinking myself to oblivion and ordering room service with my friends laying hungover by my side and just plain being lazy for the weekend.
Well I did half that. Unfortunately I didn't realize that during my birthday weekend where I live happened to be holing their annual "Neptune Festival" which meant that when I went to go look up really nice hotels (like the Hilton) that were on the beach, they were all booked up. So I was left with a few choices and the best bet seemed to be the Turtle Cay Resort. Now I looked up the reviews and over half of them said they really enjoyed their stay. The other half were either indifferent, unhappy or really unhappy. I...was disappointed. Mainly for two reasons, it was noisy and there was no room service. And that mother fucking ROACH! in my fucking kitchenette.
the Noise: I was prepared for the noise, mainly because I've stayed in NY and noise is just unavoidable. Same as where I live now, I hear noise all of the time so I've gotten good and drowning it out. However I can see how it would annoy most people, and I believe that because of the way they designed their suites the resort almost maximized their noise. They have the pool (which was gorgeous and I wish it was summer when I had gone) in the center, and the hotel rooms themselves encase said pool. This leaves the front doors to every room facing the street. NO matter what. Now this wouldn't be a bad thing if the hotel had placed the bedroom in the back, near the pool. But they didn't, instead they placed it in the front, so that when you enter the hotel suite you step right into the bedroom. Because of this, there is no possible chance of having the outside noise (ie the people walking by or the cars driving by, or the clubs that are going on at 1am in the morning) drowned out. The other noise problem I had was the walls and ceilings are thin. Normally I wouldn't care because I'm not a loud person and I stay up way past most people, however that following monday I had to get up at 4am so I went to bed at 10pm sunday. The entire time I was in my hotel room, (about 5pm? Sunday, until I finally fell asleep at 12am Monday) I heard the people above us clomping around.
My guess is they had kids, which I know it's hard to control kids. They're hyper. whatever. However one should understand that there are people around them, and below them. The entire time I was watching TV with my friend Jasmine all we heard were loud footsteps running around all over the place. And I am not exaggerating when I say it sounded like a bunch of elephants were living upstairs. It was awful, I thought surly one of them was going to come crashing through my ceiling at some point.
Needless to say I called the front desk and told them where I was staying and asked them nicely to please call the people above me to tell them to stop jumping around like wild animals. The front desk did and for about an hour or two Jasmine and I enjoyed silence, apart from our tv. It was lovely. It all came to a crashing halt when I went to bed at around 10pm. I lay in bed and at first it was silent, and then the noise started up again. This time it was worse! It sounded like someone was jumping on a bed and then jumping from the bed onto the floor. And then playing tag and falling onto the floor. After an hour of trying to drown out the sound of their thumping I called the front desk again and asked them to tell the people above me to STOP MOTHER FUCKING MOVING! Instead of sounding like elephants they now sounded like a group of running Clydesdale's! The lady apologized and this time actually made the hike up three flights of stairs and knocked on their door. I know this because I heard her knock on their door at around 11pm (give or take) and the noise once against stopped. I fell asleep around midnight.
No Room service: Now I chock this little hick-up as my own fault. I should have looked further into their services and what not. I just assumed that a hotel that charged about $250 for a King Suite would also have some sort of room service. I was wrong. Which disappointed me and meant that Jasmine and I had to haul our asses out in the cold to go get ourselves pizza. Oh and no breakfast in bed. A huge bummer.
The biggest shocked was THE ROACH! Yes, there was a roach, I was not crazy. I was not hallucinating. Luckily for me Jasmine did not see the roach because I know for a fact that she would have had a heart attack right then and there, and I really didn't need that. It all happened on the second day (sunday) Jas and I stayed there. We had gone out to go get lunch and walk around the mall for shopping and when we returned I went to go to the kitchen to get a drink of water.
(NOTE: Before you say, "Did you leave food out all over the place?!" we did NOT! Jasmine and I managed to find a soda machine and snack machine where we spent a shameful amount of money ($5) on two drinks, and 2 tiny bags of chips and cookies for the both of us). These we threw out in the trash can below the sink in our kitchen. No crumbs were left anywhere and the kitchen remained unused)
So when I went to go get a drink of water I saw a brown oval shape on the counter. When I walked closer I noticed it had long antenna. And then I noticed that it was very much REAL and ALIVE! And that it was a roach. A big ass roach. About three inches in length. NO joke. It was the biggest roach I had ever seen in my life. And it was incredibly fast. I stood there for a minute looking for something large to crush it with, but I couldn't find anything. So I grabbed a glass hoping to crush, at least it's head, with the bottom of it. I did not. (this is how I found out it was incredibly fast) Instead of crushing it I only made it run onto the handle of the dishwasher. I grabbed the side of the dishwasher and slowly opened it. With the movement of the door the roach crawled into the dishwasher and I quickly slammed the door shut and locked it. I did nothing with it after that and Jasmine and I went about our day. At around 9pm I slowly opened up the dishwasher door to see if the roach was still in there, it was not. I closed and locked the door again and said nothing about it. Mainly because I was to distracted by the elephant/Clydesdale's above us.
I also found their internet awful! The network that they let you connect to told us we had a connection but we didn't. the line was so held up that we couldn't even load Google. We found another place to connect to that was part of our hotel. We connected and it worked! We were connected and it loaded a page, a page that asked us for a password and username. I told the front desk about our problem and she gave us the password and username and we had no problem with the internet afterwards. However I later found out that they charged us $5 for access to said internet. And I felt slightly backhanded seeing as the hotel failed to mention that we were going to have to pay for access seeing as their actual free connection was completely backed up and not working. And if I am spending $500 to spend two nights in a hotel I expect good free wifi.
The Good: The room was nice. I stayed in the Kings Suite, and Jasmine and I were in love with their huge bathroom, equipped with shower and jetted tub. The bed I found comfy and the hotel staff was polite and quick to deal with the problems I had with the people above us.
The Bad: The bedroom facing the streets, the lack of outlets in the living room (not good for our laptops), the shitty internet, and them charging me for access to a connection that worked, no room service and that fucking roach.
If I had to I'd give it 3 out of 5 stars. They or any of their other Gold Key Resort hotels will not be my first choice to stay at. The Hilton will be. Especially if I will be spending almost the same amount of money.
0 comments:
Post a Comment