The Hunt. pt. 2

I, Rebekah, would like to personally thank the asshole who decided it would be a good idea to dump a deer carcass in front of our driveway. Thank you. I understand that it was probably a very difficult decision for you to make. And that, in your defense you didn't see the huge ass black mailbox directly across from where you where standing and the long ass driveway and FOUR, not one or two but FOUR garbage cans that were laying on the ground, clearly indicating that someone lived there. I know that you figured the buzzards would get to it before it started to smell bad and offend anyone within the immediate vicinity. But would it have really been that hard to drive like, a hundred feet to the left or right? Clearly it was.
There's a special place in hell for men like you sir. A very special place.

HOMG MERRY CHRISTMAS!

Wait....It's not even Thanksgiving yet. Why the hell are you wishing me a Merry Christmas?

Obviously the old "War on Christmas" Never bothered me. If you felt like wishing me a Merry Christmas I didn't mind, though if I was feeling spiteful sometimes I'd glare at the individual and say..."I'm Jewish" Which is like... a lie, but like..kind of not. Well it is, but half of my Family is and We've certainly celebrated Hanukkah. But this is not what we're discussing. What I'm here to discuss is this....Christmas Music.

Now I understand that stores want to get everyone thinking about Christmas as soon as possible, if they could they'd have adds out all year 'round, however they've settled for around Halloween. Which, ticks me off. Kind of. It ticks me off but not as much as radio stations and stores playing music and putting up Christmas decorations before THANKSGIVING! What in the hell!? I remember when Thanksgiving would come around people would be putting out fall things, and raking dead colorful leaves and pictures of Turkeys, Pilgrims and Indians(Native Americans) would be out. There would be Thanksgiving plays at schools (And hell, sometimes at my Aunt T's house) And then after we all broke bread with our family and friends and gave thanks for what we had on that Wonderful Thursday in November Then and ONLY THEN would stores embrace fully the Christmas spirit. Christmas music would blare(unfortunately) Through the speakers, people would wait outside on Black Friday for hours for good deals on pointless shit or Christmas and then for the rest of the months people would do all of their last minute shopping. And the Salvation Army would send out those people with bells who ask for donations.

I had no problem with that, but now it seems that everyone has forgotten about Thanksgiving all together, they've just skipped over it and gone straight to Christmas.

And the worst part is, now this means that I have to listen to Christmas music WAYYY earlier then I had planned on. Infact, 101.3(2wd) started playing their Christmas music....Thursday night? Something like that. I was in shock. I was horrified. I felt like crying, at work. I mean, really you guys? Surly Black Friday is good enough for you. Jesus. I mean, I probably wouldn't mind it if they didn't just play the same 100 shitty(to me) remakes of classic Christmas songs. If they would actually take out some nice classical, original Christmas music, I'd totally be down for it, but these days...please. I hardly find what they play as music. Its More like Torture.

I find the only modern Christmas music I like is..Well, Alvin and the Chipmunks. (seriously you guys, what's not to love?) and then The Grinch. (again, epic win there)

*sigh* I can see it's going to be a loooong Season.

ugh.

(Almost done with page 3 of the bloggess. Soon to be on page 4)

So my mother...

...spends a rather distressing amount of time on the computer reading blogs and doing book keeping. (or so she claims, I still say she's just reading blogs and knitting) But every now and again she stumbles upon these amazing finds. The first one being Tbog. who does Thursday night Basset Blogging where he posts pictures of his two adorable Basset hounds and tells us what witty annoying things they've done over the week. Then we have regular reports (or we used to) on what Jesus' General has to say. (He's just...no words.) Then recently she discovered the awesomeness that is YouTube, and often her bloggers post ridiculous videos and if she deems them worthy she passes them off to us. First there was the Dancing Bear. (Let me find that for you)
Then later she found this really hilarious cat fight. (This one I posted on this blog actually, I think it's somewhere in the October section)
Along time ago she sent me a list of Cat haiku's which I also posted here, sometime early in the year I do believe. And just yesterday she introduced me to the most amazing blog I've ever laid eyes on. (apart from mine, obviously)

It's written by the wittiest woman I've ever read. The Bloggess. TheBloggess.com is my new addiction. I found myself wanting to run to my computer, but not because I wanted to play Mafia Wars or answer Kline's email but to see if she had updated her blog. Last night after I read the first post I was hooked. I found myself glued to my laptop screen and reading her posts nonstop. So far I've read the first to recent pages and most of her Sex column posts. (I think I might have to look up Japanese Love Hotels and Clown Porn)

After reading the most recent post on the first page I immediately posted my love for her and her blog on Facebook, (You might have seen and ignored it because I post alot of pointless updates, [although that one should not have been ignored, so, if you ignored it, shame on you]) and two friends visited the site. both loved it. My mother told me she laughed out loud when she read the first post so I was like... well we'll see. I've never laughed that loud or that hard in a long time.
So like I said, I read her blog for 2 and a half hours straight, I actually had to yell at myself to get off my ass to go to the bathroom! That's how good this stuff is.

Tonight I will make sure I didn't miss anything on the second page and work my way back again.

Your fears are....

ridiculous. not yours, mine. I like everyone in the world, have fears. Some, are very rational, some are just plain weird.

The rational ones:
Being left behind. I have a horrible fear, even now at the age of 19, of being abandoned or left behind. If someone says, "Hey Rebekah stay here I'll be right back" if they don't come back quickly, I start to panic. It's pretty annoying and ridiculous.

Spiders. But not just any old spider. I'm afraid of large, fast moving hairy ass fucking spiders. Small spiders, fine, I don't care about you, you want to make a home out of the old cobwebs in the corner of my ceiling, go for it. I like recycling. But if you're a big fast, or slow, possibly hairy spider one of two things will happen to you. Or three depending on how I feel and how fast you move. 1) I will kill you. I will make your death quick, for I believe all living things deserve that, however you will die. 2)I call my father, to come and save your unworthy ass. or 3) I feel generous and set you free myself. But this only happens when my dad is either asleep, or not there.

Mice. Rebekah, does not. do. Mice. ATALL. I used to smash my fear of mice when my dad was away, to save my poor mother, I became the man, however now that he is retired. FUCK THAT SHIT! I am throwing away all bravery and embracing my fear and disgust. However, if they're dead gifts left for me either at my doorstep of at my feet from my furry feline friends, I smile and accept. And smash my fear.

Being Blind, deaf or paralyzed from the waste down. Don't know why, I just am. Maybe this is irrational. Hmm.

Semis. aka eighteen wheelers and propane trucks. This is a love hate thing with them. I love them, when the owners put those awesome fangs and teeth on the grill to add a bit of scary and accurate personality to them. And when they don't have their trailer attached. But I only like that because it reminds me of O. Prime. rofl.
However no matter what I have an overwhelming fear of being crushed by one and dying (or paralyzed?) by one of them. Especially when changing lanes. Jesus, when I have to change lanes next to them or when they're changing lanes I just silently freak out and scream in my head, horrified that they'll just not see me and crush the life out of me. As for the propane truck, I'm afraid of he crashes into me I'll not only be crushed but the truck will blow up and kill me,again. Now this fear is fairly new because when I was younger almost every Thanksgiving my mother used to drive my brother and I to Ohio and we always used to end up of this stretch of highway? that was crawling with eighteen wheelers. They were everywhere, we were surrounded by them. But it never bothered me, but now if I was in that situation, I'd silently be horrified.

I used to be afraid of death, or rather dying a painful death of before I got to do anything important in my life. Now, I don't really care. Don't get me wrong, dying a painful death still bothers me but it doesn't scare me, nor does dying itself. I've pretty much done what I've wanted too. I've worked for something I strongly believed in(Obama's champaign), I've voted for someone and had them win. I've graduated highschool and actually gone to a public school (TCC) I've gone surfing in Hawaii, I've been to Hawaii, along with Europe. I've met new amazing people, I've done some pretty daring things. I drive. I've swam out to a sandbar, which is big since I'm a horrible swimmer. I've lived my life. I can't really think of anything else I really and truly..wait, oh yeah I want to go Sky diving. but still, if I died tomorrow, I would not have any regrets and I wouldn't feel like I've missed out on anything. With the exception of sky diving and meeting a celeb. I'd really love to meet Matt Damon before I die. lol


Getting pregnant. PLEASE GOD NO!

Irrational fears?

Being eaten by a shark. I find this irrational, even though it's a really common fear, because how often am I ever in the Ocean? Exactly. And how often am I in shark territory? Again. I say exactly.

Sex. Mainly for STDs and uh getting pregnant by accident.(though, sex is so overrated. though.)

And then the famous fear of...chicken and duck. FEET! These disgust me to NO end. Really, ask my mother, she'll be the first to tell you with a huge smile on her face and laughter in her voice that I am indeed horribly afraid of chicken and duck feet. However, I'm only afraid of them when they're off of their owners very much alive body, or on their owners very DEAD body. They're horrible. I can't even look at them, or atleast not for a long time. Chicken feet are the worst though. I mean have you looked at them? They look like HANDS! PEOPLES HANDS!!! EWWWW GROSS! Hello. My mother used to think it was funny to grab them and wave them in front of my face, she even got my boyfriend(at the time) to grab one and tease me with it. I can't stand it though, like right now, we have a dead duck in the fridge, okay great fine. But do you really have to leave the feet on. They're just sitting there, hanging off of the body, their claws sometimes get stuck in the veggie case and I have to touch..TOUCH the foot itself to move it. EWWW. It's even worse when my parents cut them off, leave them all in a bucket and then feed them to the dogs. If I have to feed the dogs and they eat feet that day, I can't watch them eat it. It just bothers me and creeps me out to much.
My mother thinks it's funny though. I remember once, because she's mean and spiteful, she went on vacation to Cali (I think) and she took this picture on her phone, and she called me to come and see it. And she had taken a picture of this vendor selling meats and what not, and he had this bucked of chicken feet. And it was spilled out onto the street and the chicken feet where just...everywhere. IT was so gross. She had taken that picture just to show me. So...spiteful.

But those are my fears. the chicken feet being my most ridiculous fear of all.

The hunt.

Hunting Season is upon us, yet again. And as usual I am filled with anger and annoyance for the hunters that surround where I live. Now, before you jump down my throat and say some shit like..."Whats wrong with hunting? Hunting is fine it's how we eat" blahblah I would just like to say, I have NO problem with hunting, I know people who hunt, and I have no problem with it. I love meat, especially deer meat and I kind of wish my dad would go out there and bring home a nice sizes deer. *hinthint dad! lolol* However I do have a problem with hunters who use DOGS. Often I drive down the street and I see huge ass lifted trucks sitting on the side of the road fully loaded with empty dog cages, lazy men talking in their hunting attire, and from time to time, a dead deer laying on the back of their truck. I do not think that this qualifies as hunting. I do not think that sitting on your ass waiting for your dogs to chase a deer within your shooting range is hunting. BUT maybe I have it all wrong. Or maybe not. Please though, correct me if I am wrong, if these guys don't send their dogs out running rampant, reeking havoc (BECAUSE THEY DO BELIEVE ME!) to go and do their dirty work so they can just sit on their ass and then shoot then please, let me know. Until then I will continue. I think you should have to work for your hunt/kill. I think you should have to sit out there in the woods and wait. But..that's just me. I really don't know much about hunting, but I do feel that using dogs is just despicable.

And they don't care, they don't care about the havoc it reeks on other people, Just as long as they get to shoot that damn deer they're fine. I remember I was driving with my mom to go somewhere and we were heading downhill, and to our left we saw a bunch of deer being chased by hunting dogs and then at the bottom of the hill we saw a car driving towards us. Now she, did not see the pack of animals coming her way so she, unlike us, was unable to stop in time. She, caved in the entire front end of her car when she slammed into one of the crossing deer. Do you think the hunter knew or cared?

And then it's just annoying as hell to have them running through our property. It sets off all of the animals, and sometimes it's early in the morning, and I'm sorry but, I really don't feel like being awoken by the sounds of not only MY DOGS barking but their dogs too. fuck that.

And then there are those lovely early morning random visits we get from the hunters themselves as they go driving around looking for their damn dogs. Like..really? Get the fuck off of my property. I should really start charging a fee or something. Three pounds of Deer meat for every visit onto my property. No meat, well then buddy you had better go drive your ass on. So sorry for you. This is not public property. So, get the fuck off of our property.

I remember once, someone actually hunted a deer on our property. He, however, was a terrible hunter. He apparently shot the deer a couple of times before it ran off and took refuge on our land. The hunter followed it and then asked if he could kill it here. He gave us a pretty sizable piece of meat. Dad said yes, I then heard like..four to six shots fired from that mans gun. IF I remember correctly I think the deer itself was shot...six to eight times before it actually died. wtf? Ugh. Nevertheless, I find these hunters ridiculous.

Especially when the dogs no longer reach the 'requirements' it takes to be a hunting dog. This time of year I constantly drive down the road and see starving discarded hunting dogs wandering around. It makes me sick and infuriated. And it fuels my hatred for the human race even more. I'm tired of hearing their ignorance, "Oh, he's a hunting dog so he can survive on his own". Do not feed me that BULLSHIT! Dogs are pack animals. They fight in packs. They're not like cats, you can't just throw them outside on their own like you can a cat. Year after year I've seen these dogs, I've picked up these dogs, often most of them are mellow and nice, sometimes they're timid and scared, but more often then not they're fairly nice. And I've fed them, I've taken them to the pound with my mother, I've found people to take care of them. I've done something the hunter should have done. These people need to grow up, they need to deal with their discomfort of bringing an animal to the shelter or putting it down , instead of just lying to themselves and dumping them on the streets.

*sigh* my rant is done for the day.

Anonymity

Is something I miss greatly, and something that my little town seems to lack. Seeing as I was homeschooled my entire life, when I left the house most people had no idea who I was. I liked that. I could enter Wal-Mart, Farm Fresh and other stores of my choosing and I never ran into people who knew me. It was wonderful. But now, seeing as I work at one of the most popular places in my town, (the only shoe store in my town really) everything is lost. I am now recognized by people I don't even know. I've had people stop me and say, "Hey you're that girl that works over at the.." Yes, yes I Am, now please do me a favor and fuck off. I do not know you, I do not care to know you so please, let me go on about my business and I will do you the same favor.

Now this utter lack of nonrecognition has it's perks. Such as over the past two summers when Tropical Smoothie had first opened up, I went there alot and after a while people began to know me, my voice and what I wanted. Same with Starbucks, my family and I are such loyal and constant customers I don't even have to say what I want, unless I want something to eat as well. But usually in the summer they ask if I want my regular, Grande Whole Milk Latte, or my Venti iced Whole milk one sugar in the raw latte. Very simple, hell I don't even think they ask my mom what she wants anymore. They just make it, and it's there, with a nice amount of foam the way she likes it. This is nice, it's nice to know that people recognize us/me and know exactly what I want and like.

However it's not nice when I'm walking through the store or down the street and someone recognizes me. I don't know you, yes I serve you from time to time but I don't know you, so stop talking to me. I remember once over the summer I was ringing one of our semi regular customers up and she looks at me and says, "Were you walking down Washington the other day carrying a guitar?" I said yes, because I had been heading to my lesson that afternoon. And she looked at me and was utterly shocked," Oh!I thought that was you! I had no idea you played the guitar!" Well NO SHIT YOU NITWIT! I don't know you, I don't know your name, I don't know anything about you. We share nothing in common, I serve you when you come in here, that's it. So ofcourse you're not going to know I play the guitar, hell half of the people I work with don't know I play guitar. Did you know I used to play the Piano too? No. Hmm I wonder why.

Like...really. Please, do me a favor, don't think that because you see me at work, and you hear me joking around with my co workers and because you recognize me on the street that that means you know me. By no means do you know a thing about me.

Hello and Welcome to Craigslists Cassified Secontion.

So a while back I was venting to a friend about being single and lonely. (when I say a while, I mean, A WHILE BACK) And she suggested I put an add out on craiglist. I nearly died, from laughter, humiliation and well...yeah thats about it. I of course would never dream of putting myself out there like that, though I admit, while it would of course, drag up the weirdos in the world, I would indeed be able to throw out what I was looking for an a man to the T. I will never do so of course but as I was up there in utter boredom, about to look for a car, because I want one even though I'm poorer then dirt itself, I got curious and went looking at the Men looking for Women second of Craigslist.
What I found were interesting, some witty, titles, opening lines, basic info, and photos. And I will not lie, some interested me, and I had the urge to respond, but not for a date, I would either respond just to chat or so I could shoot some ridiculously witty comment back at them.

We'll start with the first one that caught my eye and had me laughing out loud. the title was, "This Rain..." Obviously it was recent, so I clicked on it, and it had a photo. I'm shallow, so I always look for photos on Craiglist. No photo, no interest.
When I opened the page it said this. Unlike most of the posts I've read on here, I can spell. I nearly lost it I laughed so hard. The fact that his opening was so..hmm, witty? I wasn't annoyed that he didn't have a picture of himself up there.

Then there was the Cougar guy. And I have no problem with a man who likes older women. Good for you, you're right, they are more mature then us and they know what they want and how to satisfy. I loved his photo though, it was a Cougar, Xing. haha. How cute.

Then there was a guy, who had gone black and never looked back. (is that how the quote goes) anyways, white navy guy, his title. "I like my women how I like my coffee...Black!" I was in love already, even if he was not all that attractive and two years shy of 30.

Haha the next ad I ran across was titled "is it snowing" I thought this was a bit odd so curiosity got the best of me and I clicked on it. the guy, not so attractive, but hey, i'm not judging. his opening line though, made me giggle, nonestp. It said, Is it snowing...(the title) BECAUSE ALL I SEE ARE FLAKES" I giggled. It's sad that people would flake out on him so much, but I had to giggle at the humor there.

My all time favorite was "Smart, Hot and Funny...Any questions." He's a cocky little shit but he is hot, there's no lie. His humor, was sarcastic,(I'm really hoping). His post was long, talked about what he expected from us ladies. What he was looking for, and because it's not in person it was kind of hard to tell if he was serious or fucking about. I choose the latter? ;O Still, I laughed, and I laughed HARD. if you take everything he says as sarcasm then he's actually fairly funny. But I like my humor like that, kind of wrong and sarcastic. maybe a little dark.
I really and truly would love you all to see and read it for yourself, but I fell it would be wrong to go up here and link his page. U_U *sigh*
His opening line though..was,
Let's get right to it. I'm going to need you to cook like a chef, clean like a Mexican, and be very very quiet most of the time. However, when you do speak I prefer you to be extremely witty so that I burst into hysterical laughter at whatever you say. See, this could be serious but most likely its raw sarcasm. ;) I like that.

Everyone else was "normal" if there is such a thing. They were pretty good looking, could construct a proper sentence, and seemed relatively cool. One guy was 21 and had his own house and car. O_O He had long hair, and a nice body. Couldn't help but feel a ping of interest there lol. The hottest guy up there though was probably they guy who was mixed, half black half white. His smile was just...ahh could light up a room. I didn't even really bother to read what he had to say I was just staring at his face lol. Most of the guys I clicked on ranged from 18(only because I forget that I'm now actually 19) through 24. And most where in the Navy(what can I say, I like a military man ;O) I had fun reading everyones posts though, I myself admire them greatly for being able to put aside their embarrassment and post their picture along with the type of lady they're looking for. Definitely something I would and never could do. I hope those men/boys ind what they're looking for.

Now off to Craigslist for what I really want...cars.